I have begged God to make me understand why He has created me in a way that I need to relate to others. Women are relational to the core. We have intimate relationships with our friends that are so very deep. Why must He make me to long so much for this kind of relationship with a man? Not just sex, but more than that. I wouldn’t settle for anything less. I’ve been there and done that. Yes, thats right. I just said that outloud. Look, just because I am a Christian doesnt mean that I have not made mistakes, or even continue to make mistakes. But at this time in my life, I am trying to follow God because everytime, I put myself in charge, I make a huge mess. Part of the reason I admit this is because, I know that you can never find an answer to a soulution until you reconginze the problem. I feel that many women long for intimacy, true intimacy, with another human, which in most cases, is not met in just friendship with another woman. Now, here is the tricky part. This longing, I have come to realize is my longing for intimacy with Him above. So I run to Him. I beg Him to fill this void that I am so desperately aware of. I know that God is always enough, but for some reason He is not cutting it. Now, I know the problem is not on His end, but rather, it is on my end, because He is “the well spring of life”. He is always enough.
It is deep calling to deep. He is wanting more of me, and I stand at the edge afraid of something that asks me to give so much of myself. I really want to, I am sick and tired of trying to quinch this thrist with my own small watering can. Its like a broken cracked cistern, which I am constanting running to the well and attempting to fill and bring back to myself. I just need a drink of Him. Sometimes the longing is just too much.
But the cool thing was, I was anxious and up at night, trying to just get peace of mind and all….and I did not know what to do, so I opened up my journal and read. I did not know where to even begin in my Bible. It was too overwhelming. And all of the sudden the words, I had written, began to minister to my heart. Apparently in October, I was really hearing from God, because it was amazing the things I was reading to myself. God left me with Isaiah 30:18-33. If you have time, read that. Its so encouraging.
Anyway, I encourage you to write down your thoughts when you feel God speaking to you, you never know when you’ll need to ecourage yourself. It’s the best, because you can’t deny what God had told YOU, already.
