so God continues to work in my life and bring areas of freedom which i never thought possible. I stood to temptation and looked him in the eyes and told him that i deserve more. and i actually believed the words coming out of my mouth.
I have a good thing with God right now. I don’t want to mess this up anymore. Someday I long to have a family- a husband, children. And this relationship does not bring me any closer to that and what God has for my life.
and honestly, the next person that I give myself to- I want to be able to be myself with- COMPLETELY. I want to know they are committed. They know me completely and love me. They arent going anywhere. I want to be able to trust and know i am safe trusting them. I understand the gravity of marriage and the convenant between man and wife and I want that. No more giving myself to others who don’t want to be in covenant with me. I’m waiting and I’m okay with that. Anything less than that is a compromise to me and I don’t want that. Im sick of it. Being casual is a lie I can’t live anymore. I tried that, and we both ended up disgusted and upset. again, for different reasons, but I can’t hurt myself or anyone else anymore due to my fleshly and selfish desires/emotions. I will stand on the rock and not be moved by my emotions.
for so long, i had it backwards. seriously. I gave you my heart and then I waited to see if you’d stick around. I realized, with my heart and my head, that you dont just give your heart to anyone. They have to deserve it and know what a treasure they are getting. Its Matthew 7:6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.”
Duh, Megan. Keep moving forward to the life that God has called you towards.
it took a fast for me to realize this. and i am astonished at the way God speaks to me.
